Dawne Kovan’s Blog

A couple of weeks ago I launched my Mentoring Program and everyone said “eh?” – that’s a direct quote by the way. Then they said – “ooh sounds way too scary – what is it and what will you do to me?”

So, this post is to answer those very British questions. 

And, first of all, I do nothing to you at all. I do very little – it’s you who does the work – I simply mentor. I act as a mirror – that’s what mentor means, by the way – to show.

We all, including me (or even especially me!!) have inner voices that swim beneath the surface in the undertow of our unconscious mind, drip feeding the old self-defeating statements that have been there for what seems like forever. They are designed to keep us less than we could be, helpless and dumb. Such statements always have their roots in childhood – things that the kids at school sniggered at us, out of their own insecurities; things that parents and siblings said, often unthinkingly, though not always. We took them as gospel and believed that they said something about our intrinsic value as individuals. And guess what – they said nothing about who we were then or who we are now. And yet, the voices go on unheard and powerful, keeping us hooked in.

I am often asked if affirmations really work – or are they just some American idea that no sane British person would ever think of doing? Well, what are those negative, down-putting voices that we seem to pay so much attention to – yes, you’ve guessed it – they’re Affirmations, folks! Just not the kind of messages that we think of as affirmations. So, if we keep repeating the same old, same old – we’ll just get the same old, same old. And we do it all the time – to ourselves. We even choose relationships with people who will help us to continue doing this. Unconsciously, of course  – that’s how good the undertow is at this.

So, when I mentor people, I simply listen to what they tell me – and I hear all the old messages coming out loud and clear. I reflect this back and offer homework and ideas that will enable them to be clearer about what it is they are doing to affirm their own ugliness, uselessness, stupidity – fill in the blanks. They then have the choice whether or not to consciously take charge of their undertow of negative attitudes, recognise them for what they are and change them for something more appropriate for now.

It sounds simple – and it is. It may not be easy – it may require real effort and self-honesty.  However it works.

And that’s all it is – talking on the phone, listening, feeding back and laughing as well – it has to be funny, too. Roberto Assagioli, the founder of Psychosynthesis (a spiritual psychology – and my own training) said that humour is the closest human quality to the angelic. If we can’t laugh at our own frailties, then we really need to put in more effort against that undertow.

The Mentoring Program starts with 6 weekly sessions of 1 hour each on the phone. I keep in contact and send work sheets via the internet during the week. I work with 6 people per week and I have to advise you that I have currently 2 slots remaining. Payment can be by online bank transfer or PayPal.