Dawne Kovan

Sky Watching Wisdom , Astrology

Astrology and Relationships

This is the common theme that runs throughout my client work – enabling clients to find their authentic selves and honouring them by starting to act from their centres. I read a piece from the Dao De Jing this morning that spoke of the danger of looking to others for approval, without realising that the other person was doing the same thing; thus creating a circle of lack of self worth that serves no one, least of all ourselves.

From my viewpoint, Life itself is one long relationship – relationships with friends, career, money, neighbours, children, siblings, animals, the planet, God, the Universe and so on. And our charts will tell us what we learned as children about all of these, from our parents, our educators and our intimate partners. Then there’s also what we brought into this lifetime from past lives to experience and at the very least, get better at this time around; or even become an expert at it before moving on to a brand new theme next lifetime.

Those of you who are regular readers will know that I see no punishing or vindictive Gods waiting to send us to eternal damnation for simply being human. I don’t see this life as a “lesson” with points awarded or withheld when we die, that may determine the quality of our next life. I think that we are here to experience the richness and wonder of life on earth and love it with all our hearts.

This is a question that so many people commonly ask me – which signs go better with their Sun Sign? And I answer them very honestly by saying “The one you fall in love with.” And so, if you love ‘em you will put up with most things from the object of your desires, whether you share any of the traditional relationship indications across your charts or not.

The signs that are the most interesting for all the signs to deal with in relationships are those that seem to come at you from your blind side. They are the signs that are challenging for you to deal with and each sign has two. And you recognise them thus: look at the sign opposite your own sign and see that as complementary and supportive to the way you express yourself in life; then look at the sign on either side of your opposition sign and you’ve got the idea. We call that the “inconjunct” aspect, which means that the two signs are 150 degrees apart. See below for further clarity.

I say these particular relationships are interesting because I have found that they crop up the most regularly across marriage charts. So we really have to ask what it is that we may be attracting into our lives in order to live through something deeper and more meaningful than just the obvious things that we may think we want from someone else. William Lily, the famous 17th Century astrologer commented that these signs cannot regard each other. However true that may be, I think that they offer a real lesson in independence/inter-dependence, meaning that both parties learn the hard way to stand on their own two feet within their marriage or partnership.

If they are the most common combination between two people, then this points to me that there is something much deeper going on in the relationship. What may be happening at a Soul level may not be obvious to the casual observer or maybe not even to those involved themselves. The idea that before we come into this life we all make Soul Agreements with the important and influential movers and shakers in our life process is a huge thought for some people to take on board, yet it remains as a distinct possibility. At the very least give it a try out in your mind before throwing the idea away as nonsense.

However, you have to stick around to get the benefit of these kinds of partnerships – it’s not worked out in a couple of years – it’s the long haul of many years. And they can work out well.

Life is a bit like a beautiful piano – some of us play romantic melodies; some funky blues; some use the whole keyboard to find the perfect tune to live by; and some play on the two notes in the middle of the keyboard. We are all different, thank heavens!

I recently worked with a client whose planets, including the Sun and the Moon, were all squashed into two adjoining Zodiac signs, with the all important Sun in Virgo – talk about playing on two notes of the piano! While my client was happy with this – she was a gifted medical researcher, so being focused and passionate about her work was the perfect outworking of her own piece of the Cosmos. However everyone else around her wanted her to get out more, become a party animal and burn the candle at both ends. And that included her partner, who was a party animal himself, being a sociable, outgoing, adventurous Aries.

We looked at her relationship choices – why would she choose people who wanted her to be different than she was? Was there another way around the dilemma? Did she and her partner polarise – him becoming more defiant and staying out later and later and she becoming more locked into her papers? Yes, that’s exactly what had begun to happen. Our work, hers and mine, was to unravel all the strands of her relationship dynamic, to give her the freedom to honour herself and make choices out of inner empowerment, rather than relying on others for approval.

Her Higher Self (her Sun) knew she was OK just the way she was, because that was how her chart was set up. But like so many of us her need for a relationship – any relationship – was keeping her from having the kind of lifestyle that suited her deepest needs and that reflected her true worth. And her outgoing party animal of a partner was seemingly doing the same thing within the relationship. Could they make it work and find a middle way, stop polarising and give up listening to their “friends”? They decided to give it a try and develop a deeper respect for each other at a soul level.

I hope this article opens up for you many thoughts and considerations about your own friendships, intimate relationships, parents and children. There is always meaning in these combinations – you just have to look for it. You could start by asking yourself “who has taught me the most about life?” – I bet it was your Inconjunct person.

For your information – here are the signs in order of Fire/Earth/Air/Water signs and both their Inconjunct signs next to them:

Aries is opposite Libra which has Virgo & Scorpio on either side of it. Do the same with the rest ….

Leo has Capricorn & Pisces; Sagittarius has Taurus & Cancer

Taurus = Libra & Sagittarius; Virgo = Aquarius & Aries; Capricorn = Gemini & Leo

Gemini = Scorpio & Capricorn; Libra = Taurus & Pisces; Aquarius = Cancer & Virgo

Cancer = Sagittarius & Aquarius; Scorpio = Aries & Gemini; Pisces = Leo & Libra




  1. Most helpful and interesting – thank you dear Dawne – love always

  2. Love Marriage Prediction Indian Astrology
    Examine whether Jupiter also creates a relation by way of conjunction or aspect. Check also, if Jupiter during transit creates relation with 7th house or 7th lord from Moon or significator Venus (and Jupiter) or lords of their stars.

    Dawne Kovan Reply:

    Thank you Mohan, I am aware that Vedic astrology uses different aspect sets – in that Jupiter is always 5 and 9 houses from the other planet. In Western astrology we do not use this – only the divisions of the ecliptic into aspects of 90/120/180/60 – which produces different information to Vedic.I studied Vedic astrology with Komilla Sutton for 10 years in London and have Parasaras Light program on my computer.