This article offers a way of achieving complete freedom from the grind of failing relationships. In fact, what is going to be written here should be taught from the moment we come into the world until the day we leave it.There are many different kinds of relationships – there are friendships, acquaintances, neighbours, colleagues, parents and children; and, of course, the biggie – life partners, whether married, live-in, or even, divorced. Then we have relationships with the people who run our services, such as supermarket cashiers, staff, utility workers, medical practitioners and dentists. We even have relationships with our cats, dogs, horses, rabbits and other pets.
And in every single one of those relationships described above, we have expectations from them and of them. In other words we expect them to behave in a certain way, and when they don’t, as inevitably they won’t, we are disappointed and blame them. The result being that the relationship becomes an unhappy one.
The key to this is simple and it takes effort on our part, so may not sound easy. One of the most important lessons I have learned through my astrological work is that people really DO behave like their signs: for example, Geminis really do enjoy a good discussion, chat, gossip; Scorpios on the other hand prefer to keep their thoughts to themselves, so can seem secretive. So, if we have a Gemini friend, we must realise that they won’t be able to keep our very important secret; similarly with our Scorpio friend, they won’t spread our good news around, as we might hope. It’s obvious why – because we are expecting them to behave as we would wish them to be – and NOT as they really are.
So, what do we do with our Gemini friend? We are hurt and call him a gossip. And we do the same with our Scorpio friend, and call her “anal retentive”. And that’s not fair because all they are being is who they are. When I was in the mystical school in Paris, my teacher once said to me “Everybody is trustworthy and reliable, as long as you let them be themselves.” Very good advice!
It is very freeing once we let go of our expectations of our pets as well. Cats will always scratch the nice furniture, dogs will always shed hairs and horses will always run away from a frightening plastic bag. To expect them to do otherwise and be angry with them when they behave as nature designed them to be, is short-sighted and spoils our relationship with them – better to be prepared – or not keep animals at all.
I had an astrologer friend whose neighbour’s little dog continually escaped from his pen and wandered around the houses calling on people, wagging his tail – a friendly little chap. Eventually, the neighbour complained to my friend who asked for the dog’s birthday. Turned out he was a Sagittarian – the good natured wanderer who sings “don’t fence me in!” What else could he do but follow his own star?
In my role as a therapist and mentor, if my client tells me they are unhappy, I must not attempt to “solve” their unhappiness, but honour it as what they are feeling right now. This means that the relationship between us can be authentic and not get caught up with either their expectation of me to “make them happy” or my desire of myself to “cure” them. This lesson was hard learned during my 4 year training, yet enabled me to simply be myself and allow my client to be the same. Magical things can happen in a situation like this. I call it “living with a light touch”.
Similarly with our closest relationships, we must respect them to do what they need to do and feel and let them do just that. The moment that we want to change what our loved ones are doing or feeling is a signal that we are not allowing them to be who they are. So, if we say “My husband just doesn’t get the message” or when we say of our kids that they are too this and not enough something else – all point us to the fact that we are expecting something other than what is.
It is important that we recognise our expectations and desires for others and take responsibility for them and acknowledge that they come from us – from within our own insecurities. Expecting nothing from others enables them to surprise us with their own inner magic and beauty. It is a real journey of discovery. We all know at the core of our being who we are – and if we allow others to be who they are – they will accord us the same and will never disappoint us.
This means that we can actively ALLOW everyone including ourselves to simply love being exactly who we were born to be with each other. Letting things and others be just the way they are is an art but it’s also a skill that can be learned. I hope this article has gone some way to enable you to do that.
